And he said Hi out of the blue

It's funny, just when you think you're spiralling down the well trodden path of depression linked with perceived infatuation, God, in all his humour, allows you to smile a little with a very unexpected message from someone you were infatuated with just months ago.
Funny how the tables flipped and I now feel absolutely nothing about this little 1am messaging exchange, when months ago I would have probably hyperventilated and over analyzed it.
Small consolation as it was, it still allowed me to remember how futile it was to be too idiotic over one person now...as I (hopefully) would be over this stupidity in a few months and inwardly laughing about it all. No use being too serious about any boy anyway. Ha.
Being drunk and hungover gives me such bravado.

Ride of your life

Another day ends in Cebu...
I actually ended yesterday today. or early this morning if that makes more sense.
Location hopping with my new JVC toy, a few friends and copious amounts of alcohol makes for a very sloshed, opinionated (if not forgetful) and happy Sher.
Singing when one has no voice left, drinking when one really should have stopped an hour ago and playing apathetic chic when one should stay far, far away from you-know-what really aren't the best ways to go, urm, anywhere.
But, dammit, it sure does feel good.

Cupid-ity

There is a little arrow wielding cherub out there who sure lurves to mess with us.
We see waaay too much of him in mythology, the month of February (his capitalist side anyways) and when we ourselves lose our capacity to think straight.
The only complaint I have with this little prankster is his use of those damn arrows.
Why arrows? Can't he just politely come over, tap us on the shoulder and inform us that he is about to turn our world upside down?
And while he's at it, can he also hand us some sort of survival package to help us navigate our way through the heaven-slash-hell that he is about to put us through? This package should include some sort of insurance, a liability waiver form, a bottle of Jack or vodka, a shot glass and a list of emergency numbers you can call lest your mobile conks out on you.
Arrows. How apt.
That cherub should just grow up and see how it feels to be hit with one of his own poisonous darts.

By the way, according to myth, he did fall in love once - and it didn't work out...or rather, the Greeks aren't sure if it did or not.
I'm close to hysterical laughter right now. If a god of love can't get his own story right what the eff are our mortal chances of EVER getting it right??????
Think about it ladies.
I'd laugh if it weren't so effing sad suddenly.
ahahahaha?

We make excuses for ourselves

As soon as we utter any defeatist words, we justify why it is that we aren’t where we want to be.

I had to hear a friend tell me that I was making excuses for myself. It was true. It dawned on me that saying an apparently innocent phrase like “it’s a male dominated industry and it’s harder for women to get the jobs they want and succeed” was actually me setting myself up for failure AND justifying it in advance.

Never enter a battle defeated.

Although I had heard it before, it took another reminder from a good friend for me to re-drill this simple concept into my consciousness. Don’t step up to bat thinking that you’ve already lost – because you ultimately will, if you keep thinking this way. On the other hand, you start with a winning attitude and whether things work out the way you like or totally go bust, you still would’ve won by virtue of your positive outlook and the experience you can charge it to. It’s not rocket science.

Seconds anyone?

there's a certain security to always being second choice. really, there is. I guess my current state of inebriated idiocy dictates that which makes no sense in the logical world of daylight. but I still have to say it (or rather type it at 4am): being somebody's second choice just means that they were scared shitless of your independence, your free spirit and your life.
people want subservience, adulation and security.
they fall in love with you for your ability to run with the wind...but choose someone else when they realize that they cannot tame you.
that's all there is to it. don't feel bad that you haven't been tied down yet. know that someone will come along - someone who will be worthy to run alongside you, and not in front of or behind you.

Guide back to apathy

1. When feeling unlovable, ugly and insignificant - call up a friend:
Literal lifelines are what they are during these times. They will remind you that you are allowed to wallow in your mudhole of self-pity but that you are still beautiful, worthy of proper love and one helluva catch that the miserable loser, whoever he is, allowed to get away.
2. When emotions threaten to drown your capacity for flippant apathy:
Put down the menthols, stop the hunger strike and take a swig of that Jack Daniels bottle next to you. Dying of malnutrition will not help you get back into the swing of things. Numbing the memory cells though, will help you live through a few more hours of undefinable pain.
3. When all else fails and your emotions refuse to disappear:
Allow yourself to be an attention whore. Give it an hour or two. You will soon tire of it - trust me. And with boredom comes apathy.

Di na natuto...

"nahihirapan na
lalapit-lapit pa di na natuto
isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo" - Gary Valenciano
Squinted into the sea, had no idea I would be
back where I had started.
Location scouting while my soul wasn't into it. But it kept me busy.

Don't think. Walk. Don't let those tears fall. Smile. Don't stop swimming.